Conversations with my inner saboteur

I used to dream of buying a G Wagon, now I hope I get hit by one.

If I wanted to be sober around strangers, I'd take the bus.

Nobody is having fun.

All the things I wish I learned…

It’s hard to rhyme words with fucking asshole

Was LA not fun anymore, or am I just not fun anymore?

[cries on the internet]

A trait is not a personality

I am so tired of making frightful people comfortable around me

We need to wake the fuck up!

You look like a fool. Amen

Do Walmart “Greeters” get a good discount?

NO I can't just “turn off my phone.”

That is not an unpopular opinion; that is a majority.

I am aware this isn’t Facebook…

Not trying to be a bitch, but

Yes, your annual salary probably has more digits than my social security number

Get off Facebook and get help

Writing this is my form of grieving.

I spend hours looking at the hashtag for #horsegirls

Rolling your eyes is way more powerful than a “Fah-q”

You’re a pusher Cady

HELP navigate my seasonal depression on top of my everyday depression

It feels good to get this off my chest…

Not to brag, but I’m really good at worrying, sleeping, online shopping and self-sabbotage.

I’m tired of seeing these watered-down low-budget Emma Chamberlain wannabes.

Well it nearly broke me. -Sadly I am not joking,

Things I will NEVER be able to do again (because I’m SO old)

Hell hath no fury like a father scorned.