How in the fuck did I ever end up getting this old,
when you age in this city it feels sad, dark, and cold.
I miss the memories I had while in my prime and youth,
I acted a mess; strangers and friends alike called me uncouth.
When I stare in the mirror all I see are jaded eyes,
the hurtful words I’ve heard for years and never said “fuck you guys”.
There is this stigma where I always feel like I have to be nice,
fooled me once, fuck around and find out; won’t happen twice.
I had a friend that said he wanted to burn my house down,
Another who said I was an ugly, big nose, clown.
A ride or die I dropped cause she tried to scam me for money,
Treat me like a joke, and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
Another accused me of getting them sick,
Now looking at their IG gives me the major ick.
I heard from a another that they thought I was desperate for clout,
Rich coming from you, I cut you the fuck out.
I like to drink and have fun and apparently that made another one nervous,
but weren’t you the one blacked out the last times we hung out…curious?
I am aware to many others I’m the butt of their joke,
gangly ass bitch talking shit with a nose full of coke.
Others parted ways because my shine was too bright,
I’m sorry you’re boring and could not handle my light.
To make you feel comfortable meant making myself smaller,
I’m sorry you resented me, even the mere fact that I’m taller.
There must be something bout me that makes me an easy target,
this crematorium of fallen friends makes me wanna eat my body weight in Boston Market.
A lot of my friends feel way too comfortable being rude,
“if they are trying to bring you down, they are already way below you, dude.”
These aquaintences fucked my life in the past couple of years,
but I have some revenge for younger me that can bring me straight to tears.
At 18 I feel like my whole world fell apart,
I miss the old me don’t know where to even start.
To my agency who put a mere child on fat probation,
you are sick and the entire fucking problem with our current nation.
For the many people who looked down on me simply because they are rich,
well the income doesn’t make sense I hope the IRS finds you, bitch.
There’s a photographer in New York that I think about often,
you were awful to a minor and I pray you end soon rotting in a coffin.
There is more but it’s hard to rhyme words with fucking asshole,
like an old roommate, a Bravo star and all my belongings he stole.
With all this being said I cut the fat and I am so happy,
my core group of friends is small and love them so much I could get sappy.
My next stage in life I will lead a little more guarded and cautious,
so I don’t have to write another one of these that make me feel disgusted and nautious.
It’s all about the reciprocity for me,
it’s treating people with kindness how hard can that be?
Some people should learn to just keep their mouth shut,
or they’ll end up at the bottom of this list… fucking cut.
