In moving to LA, I was thinking about the weather, an opportunity, and an adventure. Those are still some of my favorite things about living here. When I made the decision to move, over 10 years ago, I was naive as to what I was leaving behind. The hardest part about going back home (to Minnesota), is inevitably leaving. Especially with little ones. My nephews don’t understand the concept of why I have to leave. When they give me a hug and kiss, and say how much they miss me, it’s heart-wrenching. It’s an overwhelming feeling knowing I am leaving the people I love most; to live my own life. I feel a type of guilt that I am being selfish. -But I left in hopes to make a better life for myself, and follow my dreams… and haven’t lost sight ever since.
My last day(s) in Minnesota are the hardest, the excitement of being home always gets foreshadowed by the sadness of leaving. The realization kicks in that I will be thousands-of-miles away, and I don’t have an exact date to when I will see my family again. It never gets easier. Then it’s off to the airport… the hugs goodbye, the attempt to hold back tears as I give a final wave [as I walk in], and seeing my parents cry as they drive away. The lump in my throat eventually goes away, but the way my heart breaks doesn’t.
When I landed [in LA], I got to my apartment door, the expectation of relaxation is met with just silence. No nephews screaming or fighting, no barks from Fame (my mom’s dog)… nothing. All the noises that caused such headaches are the sounds I miss most!
Over my stay this Christmas, when I was in the car with my family, a song came on the radio to which I immediately connected with. It was called “Tough Little Boys.” It was a weird coincidence that it was on the radio, since it came out in 2003! But to null the silence in my apartment, I had Alexa play the song for me… And I had a good cry.
That moment of weakness turned into immense motivation! I know my family will always be proud of me, but I am confident this year, will be the year, I can show them this time apart was all worth it. Stay tuned…
*Also you can listen to the song below*
