It’s funny how things work out. Fucking hilarious. It was just my birthday. Spare me the messages and “well wishes”. I hate birthdays and don’t see the big deal.
We are all slowly dying the moment we are born (think about that for a second.)
But birthdays: literally we all have one, like assholes, or we wouldn’t physically be here…so I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Those people who still desire a quinceañera and are a grown ass adult… I immediately diagnose them with Munchausen by proxy. …And I escape the relationship à la Gypsy Rose Blanchard.
Moving on, my birthday came and passed with only a mild case of onset anxiety. (Proud of myself because I have been reading a lot of self-help books, and as of late, been trying to put energy into changing my inner narrative.) Normally I would spend my birthday month in a depressant k-hole, so I was wildly surprised that my new way of thinking had me off to a good start…
The Next Day
I got in a car accident. A very unpleasant lady hit me (to paint a mental picture, think Abby Lee Miller). Still having a glass half full mentality, I thought everything was fine because there was a witness! -But to my misfortune “said witness” must have a Boost Mobile unpaid cellphone, and completely ghosted; leaving me to defend myself against this monster to our insurance companies. [Side note: she T-boned me… so unless I could drive my car sideways it would be nearly impossible for me to be at fault here]. While this nightmare is still unfolding, my car is getting repaired and I am currently driving around the mean streets of Los Angeles in a cobalt blue Mini Van. Thank you Mercury Insurance- you fucking assholes.
Despite my series of unfortunate events, I could dwell on this shitty week -or- I could go forth with my newly adapted Suzy Sunshine optimistic mentality and go out on a Friday night to have a couple drinks with friends (to blow off this shitty week)…
To continue reading part 2 of this blog, check out the continuation on my NEW blog platform… Yelp:
Needless to say I don’t have a car, and I don’t have a phone. All of Los Angeles is sold out of iPhone 11’s because of the Coronavirus, so it’s going to be days before a replacement. Lord knows when my car will be fixed. So it sounds like white girl problems, but just for a minute imagine how much you do with your phone and everything attached to it… and what you would do without a car….
Somewhere while picking up the pieces of my life … my pride and joy, Sophie, has been stressing me out too. She has gotten into golden showers. On our walks if she sees a dog peeing, she literally sprints head first toward the hind legs and sticks her head midstream. Not pleasant.
I am just thankful animal print is in this season because all my stress is coming out in psoriasis flair-ups like leopard spots all over my body.
