I’m going to give the trash of the world a free pass today and not rip on them but to speak freely and openly.
LA is lonely.
I’ve had a love/hate relationship with this city for years. I love the weather and my friends and hate nearly everything else. I needed a break and literally put my life on hold to regain my sanity and search for some sort of my life back. I was run down, emotionally and physically exhausted, and began to feel jaded. My anxiety was intolerable and I needed to get out of the city and out of my own head.
I headed east. When I am in New York I laugh more, learn more, and get so inspired. It reclaims my self assurance and inspires me to look at the bigger picture. -And as corny as it sounds, makes me feel empowered to do anything I set my mind do. My goals get bigger and I feel confident enough to tell the little voices in my head that say I am not good enough to "fuck off." Almost instantaneously when I arrived, I felt like myself again.
When I returned back to LA I wondered why I don’t feel that same energy in Los Angeles. (You are probably thinking “it’s because you are insecure.” LA has a reputation for being vain and superficial, which is real and disgusting, but for me personally I don’t care about that.
If you don't know me, from the “voice” of my blog and the effort I put into my Instagram I can easily be misconstrued for one of "those" people. However I am very laid back, modest, and I know my brain and quick wit are much more of an asset [to me] than whatever reflection I see in the mirror.
What drains me about Los Angeles is knowing my worth and people not seeing [or taking the energy to see] that same thing. When you aren’t respected for anything more than what you look like or what people can get from you is a depressing way of living.
The best way to describe living in LA is how they tell addicts to “take one day at a time”. The daily struggle in Los Angeles is daunting...To get through a single day and constantly try to break stereotypes and gain respect is downright overwhelming. It's nearly impossible to look at the future when you have so many obstacles to get through each day. I’ve lived here this long by taking task by task, and to live “one day at a time”. But at some point you need to take the blinders off and look (and plan) ahead.
In New York there is no need to prove anything, because everyone’s in the same boat. You are going through the extreme elements together, take the shitty “L” train together, work your ass off to afford to live there together. There is an underlying level of respect across the board (no matter what tax bracket you fall under) for simply surviving in the city. And in LA there is just a lot of judging and shit talking. New York is on the radar but until “GO” me and Sophie are taking it day by day.
To sum up this rant just be true to who you are and someone will eventually notice that. Life is too short to feel stifled and miserable.
