What a whirlwind of a week. On paper, or rather online, I had an insane week. I was booked for a huge sunglass company, got featured by arguably one of the country's biggest retailer's, worked with a popular online fragrance brand and was sponsored by a major fast food company. I made a laughable amount of money (talking about money makes me cringe but just needed to be said for context purposes) for a couple posts on IG. -But in reality I had a horrible week. My anxiety/depression was so debilitating that getting out of bed was a struggle, falling asleep was impossible and when my unsweetened-black-ice coffee order from Starbuck's came with sugar... well it nearly broke me. -Sadly I am not joking,
In my life, things don't typically "go my way" (think Lindsay Lohan in "Just My Luck"). Anything that could go wrong, typically does. So when these exciting things happened, it was so frustrating that I couldn't sit back and appreciate what all my hard work has led to... -Which then heightened my anxiety. The biggest misconception is that you can just switch it off depending on the circumstances... and let me just tell you if someone wants to fight, tell me to "relax" or "you have so much to be thankful for" -I will throw down. It's not a specific event, thing, or person getting me down or making me feel anxious. It’s everything. All at once. And It just happens.
The best way to describe it is from one of my other amazing traits...my psoriasis. My flair ups are caused by stress, and stress makes them worse, but when you get a flair up it obviously heightens your stress... so it's like fuel to a fire with no extinguisher. -Wow that sounded poetic.
What I am trying to say is that I try to keep it real and 100...But obviously not hard enough because by the looks of my Instagam and the juxtaposition of the information I shared above, don't correlate. If I was being honest and real, my page would be filled with cryptic Rupi Kaur poems... But nobody wants to see that, and do you think Sunglass Hut would pay me to cry in their sunglasses...NO.
Everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon of being open and honest, but they also don't want to deal with what that actually means...which was what this whole post was supposed to talk about before I went on a completely different tangent... so a sorta part 2 will be next with the point I was actually trying to make (before my Postmates showed up...)
Brett Dreissig